Realisation.

To start with, this is my first hand at blogging. Not very fancy or sophisticated kind of writing, but just a plain simple experience of battling one of the world's deadliest disease, and my greatest fear- Cancer. I started this new experiment just with one objective, that whatever I learn during this journey, I can share it with the world so that it can help anyone in need. Well, not only that but Cancer got me stuck at home so this is a kind of my only way to do something productive.

I got diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma, Stage 3 on 27th March 2015. Before that I had to go through multiple tests and a surgical biopsy to confirm, but trust me I had no symptoms. Now when I say, 'battling my fear', the only reason is because Cancer was my biggest fear. Phobic of needles and doctors from the start, I was even reluctant to go for a blood test, Let alone a full fledged Surgery. The doctors never told me about the possibility of Cancer, but informed my parents that this could the worst case and gave a some other not-so-deadly possibilities. So like ordinary people I just hoped for the best result from my biopsy, the simplest and the most non-painful one but fate had something else in store. The ball landed in Cancer's court, and thus began my battle.

Then came a whole new phase. A whole new era. A whole new me. Physically, mentally and emotionally, Chemotherapies were the most painful part, of course. Pain used to go to such a bad extent that morphine was induced in me to make it bearable. Slowly with all that pain and unexpected surprises, something worse happened. I fell under depression. No amount of psychologists or self help books could help me. It started to get worse, day after day, night after night when I couldnt sleep and used to get up screaming. I had to be given tranquilizers to be kept asleep. When you stand in front of your greatest fear, head to head and its looking directly in your eye, Its hard to be normal and to be strong. It was intimidating and daunting. Many times I used to have suicidal thoughts so I was taken to a Psychiatrist who concluded I suffered from anxiety and gave me anti depressant- anti anxiety pills. A month ago I was having the best time of my life- friends, college, memories and here I was taking pills so that I dont harm myself.

In that dark and gory world of mine, I had to find some little light at the end of the tunnel. I realized no body but I only could get myself out of it. I always believed in this one thought, that when life throws you in a deep ocean, and you  are drowning helplessly, there will be always someone who would swim like a life jacket just to save you. I always believed in the existence of life jackets or the god sent answers and help to your problem. And after that life doesnt seem so strange or so hard to live. I am just here to share my experiences of finding life jackets and maybe being one for someone in need. :)