Destination-Arrived.

Biopsy-check. Chemos-check. Other gazillion procedures-check. A whole new experience-check. 
Finally. From my first post, I have been waiting to update to this one, and through this long journey or cries, pain, needles, suffering, drama, hospital, disease and all, finally I write this. From tomorrow, my last leg of treatment that is radiation starts, which is lot a very long and tedious process, so no worries. But this journey was a journey of lifetime. Though I never wish anyone to go through this or anything similar, the two main lessons I have learnt  may come in help to others. So here is goes:

1) Always believe something wonderful is going to happen.

I am not just saying this for the sake of saying, but its actually proven. I was an exquisite case in the hospital to whom something peculiar and wrong would always happen. Whether it was a chemotherapy, or insertion of a port or what not, something always and always went wrong. I was literally the joke and whenever my doctor was rushed in he looked at me with a sigh and always exclaimed " Now, what!". A stupid cathedral got stuck inside me. I mean the job which the nurses do, the senior most vascular surgeon had to do it for me who had never seen such a case in his many many years of experience, so you can guess how bad was that. But even though all this happened, I never lost my faith in the existence of anything wonderful. Like for instance even though I had to be taken into an OT for the removal of a cathedral by a surgeon, My surgeon was the most amazing doctor living on this planet. See, a plus point. And he was so sweet. Surgeons aren't sweet. He was an exception. So without any pain, he removed it, and after the procedure I was actually sad that I would not be seeing him again. There something wonderful did happen. I had an amazing time in an Operation room. Such an irony.
My whole blog was made with the intention of finding something good when times are bad and hence the name 'finding lifejackets'. I may have ranted about different things but it hasn't ever been that i havent found a life jacket. It might be the most tiniest thing, but even that is wonderful if you just believe. During my last visit to my Oncologist, I presented him with a painting I made with something written on it for other patients. "All things are possible if you believe". Anything amazing can happen to you if you believe in it. Believe in miracles guys, its no joke. Miracles do happen. Trust me. Even though I was detected at a very late stage, it was a miracle how my body fought it off. Even though I had lost all hope and was under heavy depression, my friends were a miracle which happened to me. Even the tiniest good thing that happened to me was a miracle. If and when something bad happens to you, please and please believe something good will happen too. Like I said before nobody fights his battle in vain, if all doors close, a teeny-tiny window does open somewhere. You just have to believe that, it will take you out even though its the size of a hole. Something positive might not happen instantly, but it sure does happen. I do believe that there is a force protecting us at all times and listening to our prayers. The universe does grant our prayers and does whatever is good for us. Maybe we dont realize it now, but sooner or later we find out, Maybe cancer was a way of teaching me all this. Just look at the positives, and trust me whenever you are thrown in a deep ocean and cant swim, a life jacket is always thrown to you just to save you. It has happened to me, and it will happen to you.Just believe.
I could go on and on about all the amazing things that has happened to me through this phase. I literally could wake up whenever I want. I figured who my true friends truly were and they were my biggest asset, my biggest strength. I caught up on all my TV shows and movies. I got over my biggest fear. And most importantly I learnt to love myself. Which brings us to my point number 2.

2) Always and Always love yourself.

Let me begin by asking a question. If you dont/cant love yourself, how do you expect other to do so? Even though I dont have hair, have horrible skin due to chemos, scars all around, have put on ton loads of weight and am basically every girl's nightmare, I love myself. Why, because I know that if nobody ever stands up for me or is there with me, I am strong enough to be there for myself. I am enough for myself and that enough. And the fact that I went through all this myself, took pain myself and found the answers myself, makes me respect myself more. I am not saying become self obsessed or self involved, I am just saying respect yourself. Because you are who you are. Nobody in the world is like you. You are a limited edition. And you are here for a purpose. If you can see positives in others, you can see it in yourself too. I was always bullied my whole life because of my weight. I was bullied to such an extent that I started to hate myself and has absolutely no self esteem. I literally starved myself to reduce weight. Even though my waist size did reduce, my body immunity reduced drastically too and thus cancer attacked me. I am not saying that cancer happened because of all this, but whatever happened did cause a lot of pain to me mentally and physically. Bullying is a very common phenomena, and causes a lot of damage to ones mental self. Humiliating someone because they are fat or short is similar to humiliating someone because of their race, caste, religion etc. It might seem like a joke to people but trust me its not. So my humble request is, even if it seem like a joke and you just want to laugh off someone's physical appearance, please dont. You might say 'Just kidding', but it can hurt others extremely deeply. Waist sizes can reduce, but your character and your soul is what matters. That cant be changed. What I realized through all this is just to concentrate on myself on how becoming a better person than a better looking person. It okay if I am bald or fat or dark skinned. I just learnt to say "Its okay" to everything. Head being shaved- Its okay. Horrible scars- Its okay. Skin discoloring- Its okay. And I learnt, that all these things dont matter at all. And hence i started to respect myself more and learn more. I might not be prettier than other girls, Its okay, I know what I have inside me which makes me beautiful. I know that whatever worse situation can come, I can survive it. Or rather fight it. I know how much pain I am put through I can bear it. I know I can go through all my hurdles with a smile. And that's what makes me unique. Find what makes you unique. Find how you are different. If doubts, ask any close and true friend or your parents, "How am I different", And then you will know, and love yourself for your differences. Because that's what makes you stand out from the world. That was makes you precious and a limited edition. That's what makes you unique. And yeah, if people make fun of you for anything, its their problem, not yours. Just shows how weak and timid they are. You just need to be your favourite. 

You are born alone, you die alone thus you have to fight through your problems alone. And to do this you have to know yourself. You have to know your weakness and your strength. And to know yourself you have to love yourself. Because you cannot love anything without knowing what it is. You have to become a warrior and find your own answers. Nobody can do that. You need to fight it out, whatever happens. Its okay if you fall or get knocked over or feel helpless, just remember to get up and fight. Be big, bad and beautiful. xo