The Protagonist

Protagonist noun /prəˈtaɡ(ə)nɪst/ - the leading character or one of the major characters in a play, film, novel, etc.

Maya Angelou once said, "I got my own back". The word protagonist would literally translate to - a leading star in a movie or the major character. The reason I am writing about this today is because I have always looked at our lives like a ‘not-so-short’ but a rather meaningful movie, where we are the leading actors, with few or nil supporting actors, and funnily we are also the directors, producers, writers etc Its quite a common comparison that people bring about, but I have brought about the comparison here for different reasons. I am not an ardent follower of “Picture abhi baaki hai” or any kind of a happy ending which has been fed upon us from the beginning, but it’s just my way of bringing some perspective on how exactly we are the protagonists.

So, in a few days my CA results will be out. Nope not the Finals, but rather a shitty Group 2 of IPCC which has been haunting my life for quite some time now. And deep down, regardless of what people tell me to comfort me, somewhere I know what it is going to be. So, when the last time I did not clear, a close friend of mine had told me something very important, but I had not comprehended it through at that moment. Funnily, today I get it. She said how everything that happens in life, whether we like it or not, or whether we cause it or not, everything that happens to us is our responsibility. It might not be our fault, but again it’s our responsibility. So, in the end I realised that how much ever I blamed my circumstances or cried over results which I did not have an entire control on, consequently, me failing is also my responsibility. And it sucks. Absolutely. Having a responsibility for things that you have no control over. But it’s just that how much ever I cry, fuss, pull my hair right out, break my soul, in the end I failed, and to not be in that situation it’s my responsibility to improve and stand up for the nth time again and even when I feel that all the odds are stacked against me, and that I have absolutely no strength left in me whatsoever, it is my responsibility to only get myself out of that situation. I have honestly not yielded any positive results, so if you are reading this in hopes that, towards the end I will tell you “Finally, YAY I DID IT”, No, that’s not happening. And for a long time maybe I might not exclaim that. But, Hey, we are growing right. It was just this moment of epiphany I had, which I had to write about it, so that I can go about reading it when I absolutely need it. So, thank you Sujot, for being my absolute lifejacket, and teaching me beautiful things all the time.

Now coming to the other part, the reason I wanted to write about the role of a protagonist in a movie was just to emphasise on this concept that we don’t need anybody to pull us out of a hole. Funnily, rom-coms and cheesy flicks have made us believe otherwise, that you NEED someone, that only your “loved one” can pull you out of a fix and without him/her you are just an incomplete lump and once you find the person you love, you have magically found all answers to your life and are the happiest person ever, but again we were told Santa is real when we were kids, right? A movie seems to do a marvel (pun not intended) when the protagonist succeeds. The addition of supporting characters makes a huge difference, but you know the movie is coming to an end when you know that guy/girl has achieved whatever they wished for, aka happy ending. But is it true in the reality also? The only thing I know is that a protagonist’s journey is a protagonist’s journey. Nobody can take that for him/her, and nobody can be a substitute. Yes, you can have people walking by our side, you can have people whom we are comfortable with and who are always there for us, but the journey, that must be taken by us itself. So, when you are in a deep dark spot, don’t think this will magically end when the “Someone right” comes by or when the situations just magically change, because let’s just take it like a hard pill, situations don’t magically change. The journey, good or bad, remains the way it is, whether you like it or not. Me hoping to clear my exams, when I know how it went, will in no way suddenly change the examiner’s mind and I’ll magically top. No, sadly that doesn’t happen. When shit is going to happen or is happening, shit is happening. That’s it. And the only way to technically get out of this is through this. So, you can pull your hair out, cry your eyes out, but that would not change anything. Only you, getting up again and fighting back will. You can have people helping you through, but in the end, when people are done consoling you over your tragedy and done talking to you and helping you out, it’s your journey from then on. Then maybe the endings in movie with the protagonist succeeding and everyone clapping and all, being happy might come true and that brings me to another thought.

Why is that people always associate happiness with success? Or let me frame it differently, why do people always choose to be happy only when they would be successful? I agree, it would be an impossible situation to preach happiness during a failure, but theoretically, happiness is a feeling, and even though feelings are associated with happening or non-happening of certain events, feelings are a sensation or an emotional state, why can’t we just choose to be happy, because just. I mean no reason, “Hey I found a new indie song, let me just be happy” “Hey I just ate the best burger, let me just be happy”, or “Hey, let me just be happy”. Wouldn’t it be so much better if I did not equate a feeling to an outcome only. I had this realisation quite recently, when I met someone and he told me that as long as I equate my happiness to the happening or non-happening of a particular event, I can never be actually happy. The forecasted event is definitely not in my control, and the fact that my happiness would only last as long as the event, that’s just shortening the life span of a feeling I want to feel. I mean I can be happy for how much ever long as I want right? Why does it have to be that, Hey I passed, I’ll be happy now and that will only last till I don’t get struck with a downfall. Isn’t that putting a time limit on being happy? And who is to say everything is going to go well all the time. We all know that, nothing goes good or bad for too long. It’s a mixture after all. So, when we see people who are always happy, are they successful or going through euphoria all the time, or have just chosen to be happy, no matter what. Coming back to the protagonist’s story, let’s tweak the ending up a little. Let’s not make the protagonist only happy right in the end of the movie, when he has achieved everything, because a) the movie will end right after, and his euphoria has a short life span b) If the protagonist is happy throughout his whole journey, even though it might reduce the dramatic effect, maybe the outcomes might change but maybe we don’t delay him the benefit of being happy right till the end.

Coming to my last point, of the role of supporting characters in the protagonist’s life. Everyone has supporting characters in their lives. Well, they ought to and some can be good and some can be bad, and each of them have their share of impact on the main guy’s life. Now for some supporting character’s I would agree, on why they have such a strong impact and their presence is inevitable. But for the others who the protagonist, so heavily depends upon, why would their presence impact him so much? Our ability of associating our bit of happiness with the presence of someone, is what enables the rom-com industry to flourish so well and give us the false impression that only when that particular person is there, we are extremely happy. Sadly, that results in a sad cycle of co-dependency and the protagonist losing his sense of individuality and slowly not seeing what he is actually capable of. I have always believed in this one fact that the day you give your control of being happy to someone else, you are literally giving away your most precious belonging to someone else and nobody ever in this world, regardless of their position or stature, ever deserves that. A person, or a presence can definitely make you happy, but can’t ever only be the reason for your happiness. In doing this, the first thing we lose is ourselves, and can never know what we truly want and need as our whole identity now becomes intertwined with the other person. Our feelings, beliefs, thoughts are not ours anymore and the sense of being oneself and respecting oneself slowly goes away. Every great movie and similarly every great life story needs the supporting characters. The people who are there for us, who help us through our thick and thin and teach us always, but in the end in case of every journey, there can only be one protagonist and not an ensemble. In the end, it’s the path, only one individual must take, and even though how much ever daunting it sounds, it’s the protagonist who has his own back always.