What does it mean to ‘almost die?’
December 2015. Close to New Year’s Eve, I found my throat swelling up again. A huge part of me froze in its tracks and I didn’t know what to comprehend anymore. Two months ago, I was given a green signal, right? No more cancer, I was assured. I was rushed to do an ultrasound of my neck, and to a different centre. My heart could pulse out of my chest and run away. A doctor comes, firm, a very no-nonsense guy. Asks me to lie down, stretch out my neck, and puts a cold jelly on it. It tingles on my skin and he pushes a medical probe hard on my throat. Very hard. I had to ask him to lighten the pressure. He does and keeps moving the probe around. I had no medical probes on my chest to count my heartbeat but I am sure if it were there, an auditorium could hear how loud my heart was thumping. I am sure he could also. He asked me to calm down, I did not listen. He affirmed it again, this time sternly and said “there is a huge lump I can find, only if you stop squiggling like this I can f...